Hijacked

Ok, so the title is a little dramatic. 

And be warned, this is a rant for myself to get it out of my system so that I may hopefully deal with the next 3 weeks of pregnancy. Read at your own risk...

Hijacked: It's the best word I could think of to describe how I feel when I'm pregnant. I feel like the excitement of getting pregnant is God's way of masking the sacrifice you will be making for the next 10+ months, because once you are actually pregnant, there's no going back! If you were really to know every little trial you would go through during pregnancy, I'm not sure you would be so excited to get pregnant! I know I wouldn't. The thing is, and I know this is cheesy, but it is all worth it when you hold that sweet little baby in your arms for the first time. And that's God's way of saying, "I told you so."

So me and pregnancy? Yeah... we don't go so great together. I am a complete control freak. Must. Be. In. Control... I can't help it. Guess what happens when you're prego? Yep. Complete loss of all rational, physical, emotional, and mental control. I am not a "cryer", I'm usually a "deal with it and move on-er". During pregnancy, all that controlled emotion that I usually have, spills out into a big blubbery mess of emotion. Awesome.

Pregnancy Stress: 

I can handle stress, and not just handle it, but I dominate it. Pregnant me... does not handle stress. I will break out in tears if there are more than 3 stressors on my plate at a time. Just the thought of having to do laundry on top of work, replacing car tires, and a cranky toddler will cause an ocean of tears to flow. 

Pregnancy Pain:

I love the world we live in. Not only for all the cool technology that is always coming out, but for the fact that if I have the flu or a cold, there's a pill for that. If I have a headache/migraine, there's a pill for that, too. And if I need to sleep better, there are amazing pills for that. I run to my medicine cabinet to grab the IB profen for aches. Pregnancy pain is the worst. None of the above applies. You can however, take the magical pill called Tylenol, that is not magical at all. It has never done anything for me, and is such a disappointing drug. SO, I am forced to "deal" with the pain, which I suck at when pregnant. The last month has been the hardest, I have been in a ridiculous amount of back, ligament, groin.. OK Everything, pain. It hurts to walk, to adjust my sleeping position, or just get up off the stupid couch. This does not help with my pregnancy stress, because having to deal with pain, sleepless nights, housework, Emma (LOVE her, but so much work), finances, and vehicle repairs turns me into an emotional monster. Please, just give me something I can take for pain!! 

Pregnancy Emotions:

I like to show positive emotion to those I care about. I love to love people. If I feel like cuddling with Matty, I do it. If I want to hold his hand, I do it. I like people to know how I feel, and I do that by telling them verbally or by a letter/email/text/note, etc. I strongly dislike being out of emotional control when pregnant. I don't know what the hormones do to me, but it puts a fog over my warm snuggly side, and I am surrounded by cold air. I hate being touched. That may seem dramatic, but it just happens. I am unable to feel cuddly, lovey, and express that I care about people and things. It's hard. Real hard. The happy, smiley Rachel you see when I'm pregnant is mostly forced and not essentially real. Fooled you! Ha! I have been able to get through the fog with Emma, mainly because she doesn't know any better, and there's no way for me to explain this to her. So, Yay! mini-accomplishment for me! 

Pregnancy Rationale-- or lack thereof:

Nothing I think makes sense. I will have no reason to be upset, and yet I am. I feel like I have two brains when pregnant. My "normal" self that gets pushed aside and has to watch the horror from the sidelines, and then the pregnant self that takes over. Oh, example you say? 

We took a Sunday drive up the canyon one day, and stopped off at Matt's work to get drinks from the machines. Matt asked, "do you want anything honey?" I thought he heard me when I replied, "yes, a Pepsi please". He didn't, and returned with his drink in hand. I had to hold back tears because I thought he had forgotten my drink (yes, you can re-read that, because it makes no sense). My normal self is yelling from the sidelines, "do NOT cry, Rachel, this is silly, he just didn't hear you!!!" and my pregnancy self takes over, tears start to form, and I feel like my world is over. Matt offers to go back up, and get me that Pepsi, but then I feel bad to make him go all the way up just for my drink (that I am still thinking he forgot). Anyways, end of story is Matt did go back up and get me that Pepsi, because he is thoughtful and kind and understanding. He also knows pregnant Rachel a little bit better now, and knew that it was in his best interest to make that second trip. 

This happens quite often. I feel like my normal self is constantly screaming from the sidelines, and yet it's all mute to me. It's like one of those videos where the person is screaming at the top of their lungs, but there is no sound. My normal self is just waiting to get back in the game. 

I am not that woman who LOVES pregnancy. I found that out the first time. I have a really hard time being so out of control of so many things. That is probably my biggest complaint.  I feel hijacked.

The good news, is that I have an amazing partner and friend to walk through this pregnancy with. He loves me no matter what. He is patient with me when I lose my temper. He notices when I am struggling, and takes over. He gives me hugs when I need it, even though I don't think I want it. He puts his own emotional needs aside, and tries his best to understand the lack of mine. He is my best friend, and I am so lucky to be married to him. 

Also, good news is that pregnancy doesn't last forever, even though it feels like it does. I will be through with these stupid hormones soon, and will have a sweet little girl to hold in just a few weeks. Again, that is what makes all of this worth it. It is why women do it over and over, because the miracle of life truly is a miracle that we make it out alive! 

I've posted some pictures of this pregnancy, since I didn't take many when I was pregnant with Emma. This is keepsake for me, to have all these pictures in one place... crazy to watch that belly grow! I will be happy to get rid of that very soon!

16 weeks

22 weeks

32 weeks

38 weeks

Ok baby Charlotte! Momma's ready, are you?? Ready, Set, Go!

Thanks for reading,

xoxo

Rachel

Daddy and Me

Last weekend, Matty took Emma up the canyon while I stayed home to sleep. As much as I missed going up the canyon to see the colors and spend time with my two favorite people, it was good to be able to relax and sleep. It's also cute that Emma and Matt got to have their own time to play, too. 

A good indicator that Emma had a great time? She came home covered in dirt and leaves! It was fun to look at the pictures when they got home. 

I love them!

showing Dad what she found

I love this time of year! The weather temp drops and the leaves change colors, and it just screams hot chocolate and sweaters! It's amazing. I am so thankful for my Matty, who is my best friend no matter what. He is the best Daddy and an amazing husband. We were talking the other day, and he mentioned that pregnancy really does test a relationship, but that if you can come out still friends and wanting to be with each other, it's meant to be. He has been nothing but patient and kind during these last 10 months, and I appreciate it! I am a totally different person pregnant, and he gets that and doesn't hold it against me. I love him so much! Emma is going to have the best life, because he is her Dad. 

Welcome Fall!!!

xoxo
The Twistles

The Twistles- Summer update

So, since being back from lovely Illinois, I am sorry to say that we have not been up to much of anything. It was simply too hot for me to go outside and willingly raise my body temperature to invoke episodes of dragon lady. So, here is what we did:

We celebrated Jessica's 8th birthday at the pool, Emma LOVED the splash park!

We played on the patio A LOT!

Emma played inside, and wore Daddy's hats...

We spent a few days playing with cousins (Jessica and Emma coloring)

Emma had her 18 month check up with a side of immunizations... Emma is growing great and is right where she should be for her age.

 We played with friends! I watched my friend's Lizz's girls and Emma had a great time! She loves playing with Zaylie and Zoey

 Emma and Zaylie playing with rocks. Zay Zay is about 5 months younger than Emma, and in a few years that won't even be an issue and they will be buddies!

 We colored, and colored, and colored...

The first week of September it finally cooled down enough to go outside and play! Emma loves going down the slide. She calls it the "WEEEEE" because that's what we say when we go down.

Anne gave us this car that Kami has grown out of, and Emma loves it! She gets in and says, "bye-bye" like she's going to the store. 

The dirt is her playground, besides the slide, this is what she likes to do

My big brown-eyed beauty! 

We bought more pj's and pants for Emma. I can't justify putting her in 12 month clothes anymore, they just don't fit! These are her new monkey pj's.

 One little monkey jumping on the bed....

That's all for now! Time to play with Emma and enjoy the last few weeks where it's just us at home. We can't wait for baby Charlotte!!

xoxo
The Twistles

Prego's back!

Alright, so I've been gone from the blogging world for a bit. These past 2 1/2 months have kept me busy... Ok, that's a lie. The real reason for not blogging is that our computer is hooked up to our TV which causes two problems:

-Emma loves to help. She hasn't gotten down the actual function of the keyboard, but man, she sure loves to help Mom type on it.

-I've got a watermelon in my belly. Literally, it feels like that. I sit on my legs for more than two minutes, and I can't feel them anymore. We don't have a fancy desk yet, so the idea of being all uncomfortable sitting like a pretzel feeling the tingling sensation in my legs has been less than appealing. 

Ok, so the second reason is the cause of my blogging disappearance. I just couldn't ...(lie) DIDN'T want to do it! 

Solution:
My amazing hubby convinced me to take advantage of the UofU Bookstore sale AND my employee discount, and get a MacBook Pro! You may thank Matty for the return of our blog. It might have been deceased without this magic book of Mac Pro-ness.

Also, I must add, that on this 8th day of October, in the year 2012- my beautiful, smart, and sweet daughter is STILL ASLEEP. It's 9:12 a.m. The last time she slept in this late, was on Thanksgiving LAST YEAR. This also helps with the blogging.

I may have induced her into a milk coma, but I don't want to give away evidence.

So, more blogging will come my pretties! I just need to figure out how to use a Mac, since it's like learning a new computer language after using a PC for so long. I will prevail! You have not heard the last of this pre go yet!!

xoxo
Rachel Twistle